


Bad Thoughts

by ImagineBeingSafe



Series: Caught' Verse [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bad Thoughts, Comfort, Depression, F/M, Gen, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 07:17:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17555825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImagineBeingSafe/pseuds/ImagineBeingSafe





	Bad Thoughts

Morning.

 

Scrambled eggs. Toast. Sausage. Coffee. And Sean.

 

When you catch his eyes, he grins.

 

He's so…

 

**_Perfect._ **

 

 

_…And look at you._

 

_Always one step behind._

 

_He deserves better, and you know it._

 

**_No._ **

 

**_He cares._ **

 

_Does he?_

 

_Or is here cause he thinks he has to?_

 

**_NO._ **

 

**_Sean does what he wants._ **

 

**_He wants to be here._ **

 

**_Right?_ **

 

But then, you're off.  To the recording space,  where Jack was set up, and Mark, Ethan, Tyler, and Amy were working on something as well.

 

Chica was cuddled with you, you were dog watcher.

 

Usually, their noisy chaos was Home. Familiar and loved. 

 

But now.

 

You can't handle it.

 

It was **_too much._**

 

Your skin itched with it. Your head ached with it.

 

You try to sneak away, but Sean catches you.

 

You need a moment. Can he give you that?

 

"Y/N? You okay?"

 

You snap then.

 

"I've dealt with my head being **_fucked_** , on my own for a long time! I don't need to be watched."

 

Sean steps back, eyes wide.

 

**_And look at that. Great job. He won't stay now._ **

 

Everyone heard that.

 

You don't hear them call after you, when you bolt

**_++++++_ **

 

You find your way to a beach. Unlike Mark, you have always loved the ocean, all forms of water.

 

Watching the waves is soothing.

 

After some time you check your phone.

 

**We all care about you. Come back to us- Mark**

 

**What happened was just a bad moment. It's okay. Come back.- Sean.**

 

**I hope you're okay. If you need to talk, come find me when you come back- Ethan.**

 

**If you need us we're all here for you, Y/N. - Tyler**

 

**We're worried,  Y/N, sweetie. Call me if you can't handle the boys. -Amy**

 

You call Sean.

 

"Could you meet me?'

 

You zone out, listening to the waves

++++++

 

There's a hesitant touch on your hands.

 

You open your eyes

 

Sean's there, in front of you with a sad smile on his face.

 

"I know anger is a side effect, you told me yourself.

 

You're going to have bad days, give the meds a chance to work.

 

You could scream the world down, I'll still be here. You getting help was brave.  But- you know you aren't alone, right?

 

I can give you space if need it, but nothing you do would make me give up."

 

_"Why should he bother? What good would it do him to try to fix you?_

 

_He doesn’t need you hanging about, holding him back, hurting him._

 

_He’s better off leaving you alone."_

 

"Y/N? I'm not giving up. I'll repeat it a million times. You matter, okay?

 

The thoughts in your head come tumbling out.

 

 "I…am not brave enough for you. Not good enough, not worthy enough for you!

 

You can… there is so much more that would be better for you. Why did you pick _me!_?"

 

His stubbornness melts away and sadness returns.

 

"Because you're you. Someone brave, smart, stubborn, loving, kind.

 

Sure you have your faults and you need help sometimes.

 

We all do.

 

You are not less, for any of what makes you, sweetheart."

 

"Let's go back to the office," You reply.

 

They won't give up, so you can't.


End file.
